I Am Katara, Hear Me Roar
by ricetard
Summary: Katara's so tired of people hitting on her left and right. Crack, oneshot, Katara-centric.


**Disclaimer: I don't own. Like, anything. Or else there would be more Zuko/Sokka fanservice D**

**Also, I don't mean any offense to any of the Katara pairings. Or Katara herself. I love Katara, and I think she'd be kickass if she was single. Yeah. I don't like any of the Katara pairings, which sprouted this fic.**

**And I mean no offense to gay people either XD  
**

* * *

Katara walked around the village, looking for something to do. She had already mastered her Waterbending, and at this point, she was bored. Well, she had always been bored since the beginning of the season, but still. At this point, it was just getting really old.

All of a sudden, Haru appeared out of nowhere and jumped in front of Katara. Katara hopped back, surprised at his presence. "Haru!" she exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to give you my undying love," Haru said, bending down on one knee and stretching an arm to her. "Katara… will you marry me?"

Katara stared down at him and blinked. "This is a joke, right?" she said.

Haru scoffed suavely, seemingly insulted. "My love is never a joke! I am ashamed you have said that!" he said despairingly, in a very non-Haru way. "My love is the beat of the rocks against the ground, as far as the earth can go. I would Earthbend to the ends of the world for you!"

"Uh… thanks, but not interested," Katara replied with a very o.O look on her face. "I mean, I didn't think you had a thing for me…"

"Of course I do!" Haru said. "Didn't you notice? Since the day we met, our destinies have been intertwined… with bending! You rescued me and my father from a Fire Nation ship. With that, I give you my love!"

"Thanks, but no thanks," Katara responded, and with a flick of her wrist, Haru was suddenly frozen in place by ice. Then Katara walked off, looking for something more useful for her to do.

It was then when Zuko suddenly fell down from the sky, right in front of Katara. Thank god, though, that he didn't fall on her.

Katara stared at Zuko for thirty long seconds. "It's raining Firebenders, apparently."

Right after that, Iroh fell down on top of Zuko.

Katara wasn't surprised.

"Katara!" Zuko said, quickly shoving his grandfather up and getting off from the ground. "I was just looking for you!"

"You were looking for me… up there?" Katara pointed upwards from where Zuko had fallen.

"… uh, yes," Zuko replied, looking at her funnily before waving the question off. "I was—"

Then he looked over to the side where Iroh was groaning and getting up as well, and glared at him. "Wait, what are _you_ doing here, Uncle?"

"You're making a big mistake, Zuko," Iroh said to him, taking his arm. "You can't do this to Katara."

"Do what to me?" Katara asked, glancing between them.

"How do you even know what I'm going to do? You don't understand me, Uncle!" Zuko protested, taking his arm off. Then he turned back around to Katara. "Katara, I love you."

"…" Katara stared at him for a long time.

Zuko looked at her expectantly. "Well? Aren't you going to say that you love me back?" he asked.

"Well you have Mai, don't you? So, um, no?" Katara said.

She raised an eyebrow when Zuko started crying and Iroh looked down at him with a pitiful look.

"But… But you _have_ to love me!" Zuko wailed, falling to the ground and covering his face with his arms. "You're supposed to love me! We're meant to be together! I don't care about Mai anymore! Do you know how many Zutara shippers there are? Do you know that there are more fanfictions written about us than any other pairing in our universe?"

"…" Katara continued staring at Zuko for a long, long time.

"Don't worry about him," Iroh said, going over to his nephew and patting his back. "He's been thinking about this for a long time, but usually after he does things, he forgets about them later. Though I can see why he had a crush on you." He looked Katara up and down.

Katara gave him an uncomfortable glance, froze the two the same way she did with Haru, and walked away.

She only made it a few meters down the road when Jet appeared out of nowhere too. Actually, it was more like he swung from a vine from a random tree (though there weren't any trees in the village, so she was confused) and jumped right in front of her.

Katara stared at him. "Jet? What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be dead?"

"Dead?" Jet glanced around, and then looked at Katara with a hearty laugh. "It doesn't look like I'm dead, does it?"

"I guess not…" Katara gave him a funny look. "So. What are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to tell you." Jet suddenly got on his knees. "Please forgive me, Katara. Forgive me and love me. I know everything I did was evil the past, but I'm over that now. I just want to be with you, the way we used to be."

"… huh?" Her confused gaze remained on Jet.

"Don't you remember how we used to be? When you first met me? I knew I fell in love with you," Jet said, clinging onto her leg. "And I want to be with you. Forever."

"Okay, I don't know what's with these random guys who apparently are love interests for me coming to me and telling me they love me today—much less in the past _ten minutes_—" Katara glanced around for any sign of Zuko or Haru, before turning back around to Jet and shaking him of "—but I do _not_ want to be with you, okay Jet? Plus, you're annoying with that little straw thing in your mouth. You just can't pull it off. You can't."

She turned to walk away. Jet crawled after her, tears streaming from his eyes.

"But Katara!" he cried, grabbing around her ankle again. "I love you!"

Katara merely turned around, turned some random water from thin air into ice onto him, and then huffed walked away, leaving him frozen.

Then Aang dropped out of nowhere, in the same manner as Zuko though a little bit more gracefully. Katara stopped for a moment in the middle of the street as she waited for Aang to get back up.

"Hey Katara," Aang said once he dusted his pants off. "I was out flying when I just saw you here."

"Cool," Katara said, not thinking much of Aang's presence.

"Well okay then." Aang beamed at Katara's normalcy to his random appearance. "Then I guess I'll be going. See ya, baby."

He leaned over and kissed her before taking his glider and preparing to take off. But stunned at the kiss, Katara felt her lips for a second, and then pulled Aang by the shoulder before he could leave. "Wait, Aang," she said, still baffled. "What was that?"

"What was what?" Aang turned around, confused.

Katara pointed to her mouth. "You know? That kiss? What did you kiss me for?"

"Oh." Aang blushed. "I thought we were going out. We're going out. Aren't we?"

"No we're not! Since when have we been going out?" Katara yelled at him.

Aang shifted uncomfortably. "Ever since I met you, remember? I thought we had always had something special. Don't we have something special?"

"Um, you might have kissed me a few times, but I never said yes!" Katara exclaimed.

Out of her anger, she turned some more water into ice and froze Aang, before he could retaliate. Then she stormed off.

"Geez," she muttered to herself, slightly annoyed. "What's with these random guys coming to me and confessing their love to me…?"

However, again, she didn't make it very far when Sokka suddenly appeared out of a nearby alley, and kissed Katara full on the lips. Disgusted, Katara smacked him off of her, spat onto the ground and wiped her mouth, before looking at her brother with a look of horror on her face.

"Sokka!" she exclaimed, glowering at him. "What was that?"

"I love you sister dear, and I don't want to be with anyone else!" Sokka said as he tugged on her arm. "Not with Yue, not with Suki, not with Toph, not with Azula or Mai or Ty Lee or any other female that I could be with! I want to be with you!"

"But I'm your _sister_!" Katara shouted, slapping him again. Sokka hung his head low for a second, before glancing up to her again.

"Yes, but that's what makes it so precious, right?" he tried to insist to her. "Did you know that brother/sister pairings are all the rage these days?"

"Like who?" Katara crossed her arms and gave Sokka a look.

"Like… Like… Like Zuko and Azula!" Sokka answered ecstatically.

Katara's gaze didn't falter. "Sokka, Zuko just confessed to me that he loved me all but five minutes ago. So I don't think so. And just for the record, I don't love you back."

She started to walk away, but Sokka called after her, "You know you want me, Katara! All the other ladies do!"

"I have never wanted you in all my sixteen years of living!" she shouted, not turning back around.

Then she made to freeze her brother too, as she had done with everyone else. Just in case, you know.

She only made it a bit further when Toph popped out of nowhere and in front of her. Katara breathed a sigh of relief. "Finally, a girl."

"Katara," Toph said in a firm voice. "I've come to realize lately that I'm a lesbian. And that I want you. Because you're the only one who has ever understood me, and you're always nice to me when I'm mean to you. So I love you."

"…" For some reason, after hearing this, Katara wasn't surprised. She just stared at Toph.

"What do you want me to do about it?" she asked blankly.

"Come and marry me!" Toph replied.

"But… is gay marriage even legal here? Is it even legal in our universe?" Katara glanced around. "Is anyone here even gay?"

"It doesn't matter. I want you, Katara, and you are going to marry me," Toph instructed.

Katara shook her head, glancing back to Toph. "Er, no thanks Toph. Haru already asked me to marry him, and I said no. Geez, what's with these Earthbenders and romances?" She froze Toph without much of an effort, and then walked away without another glance.

Suddenly, Admiral Zhao appeared once Katara had rounded the corner in the village (at this point, Katara wondered what village she was in, too; what were all these people from all over the world doing here?) Katara stared at him, but he shoved her against a wall and started kissing her.

"EW PEDOPHILE!" Katara shrieked, and pushed Zhao away from her. "Admiral Zhao? What the hell?"

"I want you Katara. You and your sexy body," Zhao said in a deep voice.

"Um, no thank you." Katara pushed him away and attempted to walk off.

But Admiral Zhao held her from where she was. "I'm not like all those other guys who want you, Katara," he said huskily. "I just want your body. Nothing else."

"You're not helping yourself." Katara took his hand off of her, froze him, and then walked off, fuming.

She didn't get that far, _again_ (though she should have expected it), when Azula appeared out of nowhere as did everyone before her and threw a ball of fire at her.

Katara couldn't help herself but to run over to Azula and gave her a big hug, tackling her to the ground.

"Uh… Katara? What are you doing?" Azula asked from beneath her.

"Thank you! You're the first person all day who hasn't come up to me and kissed me and/or confessed your love to me and/or tried to rape me!" Katara exclaimed, getting up and hugging her again. "So what did you want to do? Did you want to fight?"

"… actually, no," Azula said, a little surprised at what Katara said. "I've realized that… well, after you tackled me, at least. I love it when we fight. I love the feeling of your body against my own. I want to be with you, Katara." She looked up at the other girl with shining eyes. "I love you."

"No! You can't love me!" Katara cried, throwing water at her. "Come on! Fight me!"

"But I love you Katara! I love you! You must love me back!" Azula called to her, reaching towards her and allowing herself to be splashed with the water.

"I don't love you!" Katara said, still throwing water pellets at her.

The look on Azula's face turned to one of anger. "Then you will face my wrath until you love me!" she cried, and started hurtling fireballs at Katara.

Scared, Katara quickly conjured up some water around Azula and froze in her place, and then ran off as far away from her as possible.

She only made it down a few streets when Ty Lee jumped from behind a bunch of bushes. Sighing, Katara looked at Ty Lee. "What do you want? I suppose you want me to love you now, don't you?"

"Actually, I was looking for Mai… she left her clothes at my house last night," Ty Lee explained, frowning at Katara. But then her eyes brightened up when she saw Mai down the road, and ran towards her. "Mai! Here! I have your bra!"

Katara looked after them for a moment. Then she turned away and shook her head.

"Maybe gay marriage really _is_ allowed here…"

She walked a little further when Suki appeared from a bunch of bushes as well. Katara gave her a tired look. "I'm assuming you're looking for your Kyoshi warriors so you guys can have some huge orgy, or you want to confess to me your love. And if you were going to confess to me your sudden love, you were going to kiss me and/or beg for my love pathetically while kneeling on the ground and not letting go of me, and I'll end up freezing you. So I'll just save you all the trouble and freeze you now."

"Well, I—" Suki started, but Katara merely sighed and swished her hand, freezing Suki from the feet up. Suki stood there frozen in place, staring after her.

Katara managed to steal a few peaceful minutes by herself after this, wondering what was up with people today and why they were confessing their love to her out of nowhere. Well, she knew that she was hot—she got it from her mother obviously—but she had _substance_, you know. Just because she was a preachy girl who was nice to everyone and had good morals didn't mean that every guy—and girl, apparently—on the block had to fall for her. Besides, she never wanted a relationship anyways. She just liked being with herself.

Katara finally made it out of the village and found Appa and Momo lurking there. "Hey guys," she said to them, settling down on the grass next to Appa. "What's up?"

Appa groaned in response, and Momo hopped into Katara's arms.

"I'm glad you guys aren't humans, or you guys would be hitting on me everywhere too," Katara said to them though she knew she couldn't understand them the same way they couldn't understand her. She patted Momo. "You guys are too sweet."

Momo nuzzled his head into Katara's arms, while Appa groaned again. They settled beside her, loving and comfortable.

Katara wasn't sure what they meant. At least she knew they weren't in love with her.


End file.
